FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything
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Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds!!
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Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once
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IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
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Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
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Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
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A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath
“Mom,” he asked, “are these my brains?”
“Not yet,” replied his mother
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
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Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
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Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
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Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
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Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
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